Can A Single Mom Father Her Children? The Answer May Surprise You
I had a wonderful time a few weeks back being on Laura Ingraham’s radio show, “The Ingraham Angle”. During our show, I learned that Laura was a single mother. She expressed during our show that it’s hard to be a single mom. This got me thinking about all the other single moms out there.
These women balance life, careers, and family and more often than not, they do it by themselves. After they’ve done the job of making sure everyone is fed, clothed, and in the right location, they are still left to worry about what life will be like for their kids without a father in their story. Does it matter? Will it matter later? What can I do about it?
I find these concerns are most troublesome for single moms during the holiday season. “Am I doing enough for my kids? Are they missing out on something because their father isn’t in their story? Should I let them see their father? Should I talk to them about the absence we all feel?”
Beloved, I want you to hear me say this… you are enough! Here are three things to encourage your heart as you seek to reconnect with your children this Thanksgiving season.
First: Let go of trying to be everything to everyone all the time.
I learned a long time ago that I can’t give anything away to my children that I haven’t already received. Be encouraged that you are everything that God has created you to be, and you have everything you need to be the mother to these children at this moment right now. The best thing you can do for your kids is to seek God first, and just be the Beloved Daughter that He has called you to be.
When you connect the love and blessing of the Father for yourself, it will not only heal some of your deepest hurts, but it will give hope to your kids that God wants to also be their Father. Psalm 45:10 says, “Now listen, daughter, don’t miss a word: forget your country, put your home behind you. Be here, the King is wild for you! Since he’s your Lord, adore him.”
Do you get what the psalmist is saying there? You can stop kicking yourself about your past, or how you’ve screwed things up, or what you wish you did differently – you are free! You are adored! So let it all go Beloved, and show off the beauty that freedom brings!
Second: Let go of trying to control what is not in your control.
Beloved, there is no easy way to say this except to just come out and tell you… you cannot control your kids, what they hear, how they hear it, or how they process that information. It’s just not in your power to do so. The same thing goes for the father of your children. In 2 Corinthians 6:18, God the Father says that He wants to be your Father and He wants to be the Father of your kids’ story too!! “I will be a father to you and you will be my sons and daughters. says the Lord God almighty.”
There’s no need to spend time worrying about your biggest fears for your children, or their interactions with their birth father this holiday season. What’s going to happen is going to happen. The beauty is that God, their Father, is going to go with them wherever they go!
Third: Grab hold of what is in your control.
This is your moment, Beloved! It doesn’t matter if you only have a day with them, or if you can’t afford to do anything expensive. What you can control is what you give your children of yourself, and what you give them for when they aren’t with you. Consider some of these ideas for the holiday season.
- Create a new tradition of blessing. Write your kids a card telling them how thankful you are for them! Call out what you love about them!
- Find a timeless approach to celebrating. Just because you can’t be together on the same day everyone else is celebrating doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate! Black Friday Thanksgiving Brunch at home?
- Consider ways you can encourage your kids to trust in God as their Father for themselves. The best way I know to do that is to model it myself – by trusting in God as my Father and talking to my kids about it!
Bringing your kids to God their Father will allow them to achieve things and become the kind of world changers that make you the talk of the town—the kind of mom who makes a difference. When they talk about all the things your kids have done, they will also say, “Wow, what a mom!” That’s a promise from God.
Remember, the Father loves you and sent His Son to let you know!
Praying for your Family,
Ed Tandy McGlasson
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Published on November 9, 2017.