How Can A Husband Heal A Relationship With His Wife? (MARRIAGE VIDEO)
TITLE: HOW CAN A HUSBAND HEAL HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS WIFE?
Right off the bat, men, I want to tell you that you aren’t the only struggling in your relationship with
your wife. Whether you’ve noticed bitterness growing, or a bigger distance between you, or you’re
working through some hard things that have happened in your relationship with your wife—you’re not
the only one.
I meet men all the time who want to fix those things that they see are hurting their spouse, or
damaging their relationship, but just aren’t sure how to go about fixing it. More often than not, when
they try ‘fix’ it, they end up with an even unhappier spouse telling them, “You can’t fix me! I don’t need
to be fixed!”
The challenge for us men is to shift our focus of attention. For most of us men, the focus of our
attention isn’t on loving our spouse or cherishing her. We’re focused on work or hobbies or spending
time with the guys. Perhaps we’re focused on our children, or other things going on in our world.
I’m not going to tell you that what’s going on in your life or your work isn’t a pressing issue. But I am
going to tell you that your wife is actually your biggest asset, and when you turn your focus and
attention to loving and cherishing her, you will be amazed at the results.
There is nothing more empowering for a man than a wife who likes him and wants to spend time with
him. There is also nothing more difficult for a man than having a wife who’s unhappy with him.
I remember coming home one day from work, while I was still playing with the Philadelphia Eagles in
the NFL. I was a newlywed at the time and while I loved my wife, I didn’t really know much about
being a husband. My stepdad and my mom didn’t have the greatest relationship and he didn’t seem
to know much more than I did. His best marriage advice was “Wives are better seen and not heard.”
He and my mom were not “relationship goals” as the young people say today. Anyway, I was coming
home from a long day at training camp exhausted. I walked into the living room and sat down at our
piano and started playing. That was really a stress release for me.
My wife Jill came over and sat down next to me. I’m sure she had been waiting for me to come home
and wanted to spend time with me. But instead of loving her and greeting her, I simply said, “Could
you not bother me right now? I need some time to wind down from my day.”
She was crushed.
As I continued playing piano I felt the Lord remind me of something: I had just spent the entire day
making my life about me. I came home, and I made the first part of our relationship in our home that
night about me too. I realized in that moment that if you want to build a loving relationship with your
wife, you need to love her as you love yourself.
Here’s what the book of Ephesians says,
“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves
himself.” (Ephesians 5:28. ESV)
Men love to get involved in their hobbies and have an incredible ability to dive into hobbies and make
their entire life, their entire identity about their hobby. Have you noticed that? Hobbies for men are
huge! Cars, motorcycles, hunting, fishing, cycling, running and so many more.
I think the apostle Paul wrote that verse in Ephesians because he knew the capacity we men have to
focus on ourselves, the things in front of us which is ultimately loving ourselves.
The secret to healing your relationship with your wife is to shift your focus to loving her just like you
love your hobbies. This shift in focus alone will meet a powerful need your wife has to be pursued and
Some men I meet are overwhelmed at the prospect of loving their wives the way their wife is telling
them to be loved. They think that ‘loving their wives’ is something they just can’t do. They don’t know
how to be or don’t like to be romantic, etc. What I want you to understand is that if you have the
capacity to love and polish and spend time in your hobby, you also have it in you to love and cherish
and spend time with your wife as well.
I’m going to give you 3 keys to build a loving relationship with your wife
1. FIND OUT WHAT YOUR WIFE LOVES AND DO IT WITH HER
This was really hard for me in the beginning. All my wife wanted to do was go shopping and have
me watch her try on clothes! I really wasn’t sure I could go sit and mindlessly watch her try on
clothes for a few hours, but I decided to go anyway. While I was there, I wanted to make the most
of it, so I tried to participate as much as possible. Men, I cannot tell you what a difference it made
to my wife that I acknowledged her beauty and complimented her with every outfit. And it made a
difference to me too! Seeing my wife respond to my affections and adoration opened her heart up
to me as well. It’s a win-win.
2. DATE YOUR WIFE ONCE A WEEK
Date nights are a powerful way to reconnect your heart with your wife. The goal of date nights is to
build an incredible relationship with your wife. Spending time with your wife help engage her heart
and draw her back into your relationship. The more time you spend staring into her eyes, the more
time your heart will engage as well.
3. INCLUDE YOUR WIFE AROUND YOUR FRIENDS
Before I proposed to my wife Jill, I called my grandpa to tell him about it. I told him I’d fell in love
with a beautiful girl and was going to propose. His response, “Do you like her?” His question
confused me. “No grandpa, I LOVE her!” He simply kept repeating his question, “Do you like her?”
Finally I stopped and asked him what he was getting at. He said, “Son, I’ve been married to your
grandmother for 65 years. There have been times that we loved each other and other times that
we didn’t love each other. But I never stopped liking her.” I asked him what he meant by that. He
said, “When you bring Jill around your friends, do you show her off? Do you talk about what you
love about her in front of other people? If the answer to that is yes, that’s the kind of woman you
want to marry.”
This lesson stayed with me as I’ve noticed over the years that including my wife with my friends,
valuing her opinion and talking openly about what I love about her while we’re in the company of
others has really blessed her and opened her heart up to me.
Don’t forget the way you pursued your wife when you were trying to get her to go out with you or
marry you. Pursuing your wife will bless and heal your relationship in ways that you can’t imagine.
Remember the Father loves you and sent His Son to let you know!
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Published on August 29, 2018.