I have to admit, there was a day when I realized as young dad of daughters, that I knew nothing about girls, or even women for that matter! My wife Jill, was a beautiful mystery to me and I loved my daughters deeply, but I felt like more than connecting with them, I was constantly trying to just stay ‘out of trouble’ with them. I had no idea what they needed or wanted or even what they meant! EVER!


Perhaps you are in the same boat with the women in your family or have actually gotten into trouble with your daughters and aren’t sure where to go from here. I’m here to help.


I remember one occasion that I found especially confusing. I was sitting in my office which opens up to an atrium where we have some plants and a large rock. My daughters—both very young at the time—were coming out of their room wearing dresses and costumes and then running back inside to change into yet another dress. When they realized I was watching them, they began to sing and dance as part of the routine. I loved watching them, but I found myself confused by the entire performance! What do women want?! I had no idea.


As I sat in my office, somewhat overwhelmed by this question and the realization that I had no idea what either my daughters or my wife really wanted, I felt the Lord speak to me. This is what He said. “Ed, inside of every girl this is a question in her heart: “Daddy, do you see me? Am I beautiful? Am I someone to be loved?”


Suddenly I thought about my wife coming out of her bedroom, hair and makeup completely done and pausing for a moment to be admired—while I was impatiently looking at my watch and complaining that we would be late. She was not trying to spite me or ruin my plans. She was asking a question, “Am I beautiful? Am I someone to be loved?” I thought of my own daughters twirling away in their dresses and costumes, “Daddy, do you see me? Am I beautiful? Am I someone to be loved?”


This is what your 4-year-old daughter is asking when she interrupts you in your office for the fifth time just to show you her latest outfit, jewelry, or design.


This is what your 15-year-old daughter is asking when she heads out with friends dressed in something you do not approve of.


When we as fathers do not answer this question for our daughters, they will begin to look elsewhere to find the answer they so desperately want to know. “Am I beautiful? Am I someone to be loved?”


Here are 3 things that I’ve learned that will help you heal your relationship with your daughter.




When forgiveness isn’t in place, it leads to bitterness. And bitterness will only lead to her going out to find the answer to her question from someone outside of your home. Here’s how you can reconnect to your daughter through forgiveness. Ask “Are there some things that I have done that have hurt you? Are there some things that I need to ask for forgiveness for?”


You may need to ask this question many, many questions depending on where your daughter is at in her relationship with you. However, when she does open up it will be of the utmost importance that you simply say, “I’m so sorry. Will you forgive me?” Make no excuses.




Your kids are the best parenting manual in the world. Each one needs something different. What worked for one of your daughters may not work for the others. I always suggest you connect to the heart of your daughter by asking this question; “How can I be a good father to you right now?” Take notes. Add what she says to your calendar in the form of dates to reconnect or in times to pray.  




Daughters are constantly measuring themselves up to the people and situations around them. Jr High is one of the hardest times for young girls, wondering if they are beautiful, if they matter, if they’re pretty enough or smart enough or talented enough. Help relieve your daughter of this burden by spending time with her and nurturing her heart. Make sure she knows how beautiful, valuable and amazing she really is.


Dad’s your daughter doesn’t need a boyfriend to tell her that she’s beautiful—she needs you.


Remember the Father loves you and sent His Son to let you know!

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Published on August 22, 2018.

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