How Can A Father Heal A Relationship With A Son? (POWERFUL VIDEO)

As a young dad, I thought that the goal of being a father was to maximize their performance and their ability to achieve things in life.The line between love and performance was kind of gray area for me. My own father-son experience with my step-dad was completely based upon performance: Score a touchdown, get a pat on the back. Score a B on a test in school, get a ‘try harder’ speech.

Most of the dads I meet had the same experience. They were acknowledged by their own father only when they made the grade, or when the performed at a high level.

I call this ‘performance-oriented-love’. This is a go-to for most guys because it’s something they understand. And for a lot of them, myself included, it’s all they ever saw their own dad do.

But as fathers, and in Christ as spiritual fathers, our job is much different than that. God calls us to love our children the same way that He loved us. This love isn’t based on our performance. It’s based on His choice to love us. His love doesn’t waiver or change depending on how we act or behave. His love is kind and gracious, long-suffering, willing to forgive, not angry or proud, not insisting on it’s own way. You can read the whole description in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV).

Dads – this is the key to healing your relationship with your son. You have to change the basis of your relationship from performance to love. You have to move from driving them to perform or behave, to loving them into the man God has made them to be.

So how do we do that?

I’m going to give you 3 keys to build a loving relationship with your son


How much of your conversation with your son this past month has been related to his output or his performance?

How much of your conversation with your son this past month has been related to speaking life into him?

Let me tell you what I mean when I talk about speaking life into people. The bible teaches that your words have power, weight. They affect people. Jesus Himself was able to speak a word and people were healed. That’s how powerful His words were. God has given you this same power to be a minister of healing, encouragement and life to everyone around you, including your son.

Changing how I spoke to my son was hard for me at first. One thing I did son in order to train my brain to speak life was to think about what I wanted to say before I spoke with my son. Just this simple switch in my brain of thinking about what I was going to say before I said it helped me to put a guard over my mouth so I wouldn’t fall into the trap of driving my son or pushing him towards performance.


What does your son enjoy? What does he love to do? Does he have a video game he loves or a hobby? Ask him about it, learn about it, spend time doing it with him. Sports are a great thing to enjoy together if your son likes sports, but if your relationship is built upon you coaching him in sports, then I would suggest finding some other ways to spend time with him as well.

This will instill in your son that you want to spend time with him because it’s time with him. Not because he’s playing your favorite sport. You love him because of who he is—not because of what he does.


Notice, I didn’t say: Help your son discover what God has made him to do, but who God has made him to be. God has uniquely made your son to fill a hole in this world because of who he is as a man. Is he kind? Compassionate? Brave? Discerning? Thoughtful? Help your son discover who God has made him to be.

Remember the Father loves you and sent His Son to let you know!

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If this message has touched your heart or ministered to your family and you would like to help other families, please donate to the Blessing of the Father Ministries.

Published on August 15, 2018.

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