Finding the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted

I find there’s a lot more getting together and breaking up than people staying together for a lifetime.

Relationships are hard work, right?

For a number of years now, I’ve been connected with an organization reaching out to teen moms through relational support, job support, and helping them overcome their unique challenges.

One of the things I’ve found while speaking with these young moms is that most of them repeatedly choose the same kind of guys over and over again. When I ask them, they always answer that yes, they think they can turn a bad guy into a good one.

I’ve also been spending more time with teen dads recently. What I’ve noticed is that while they love their babies, I find they are overwhelmed with the feeling that they’re worthless and won’t ever made a good dad – so very few stick around.

The number one issue with both teen moms and teen dads is the same issue that many of you face as well: without a present father in their own story who knew how to love and bless them, they don’t have anything to give away.

For girls without a father, they usually pick guys they think they can rescue and try to change them into the man or the father they never had in their story. This almost never works. You see, for girls, the thing they most want to hear from their father is, “Daddy, do you see me? Am I beautiful? Am I someone to be loved?” When they don’t get this question answered by the first man in their life—their father—they will most often look into the arms of any man who will answer this question for them. Even men with less than honorable motives.

Men, on the other hand are looking to their father to hear the answer to the question “Do I have what it takes to be a man?” For guys without a father, they either try to find their identity in their work or they sabotage themselves by thinking their kid will be better off without them. They spend their whole lives searching for the answer to that question in their relationships, their work, and their conquests.

Tragically, these cycles of getting together and breaking up can have a damaging effect on our lives as well as our future relationships. Trying to use your partner or boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse to answer these questions for you will not work.

So how do you find Mr. or Mrs. Right—and build a lasting relationship with them—if you’ve never had a blessing from your own father? If you’ve never had a loving relationship modeled for you?

1. Deal with your father issues.

Recognize the wound your father has left on your heart, and seek healing as you ask God to be the Father in your story. You know, this is God’s heart for you. He has always wanted to be the Father in your story. With God as your father, you can finally get those questions of “Who am I?” and “Am I someone to be loved?” answered in way that will transform your life and all of your other relationships.

2. Get clear on your past bad relationships.

It’s easy to carry baggage from our past relationships into each new relationship we start. This will never work. Take some time to assess what went wrong in those past relationships, and take those issues, those people, and those hurts to the Lord. The only way to do this is with Jesus. First, you need to forgive those people who have hurt you. Call them out by name in prayer and say those hurts out loud. Secondly, you need to forgive yourself so that you can experience complete healing.

3. Becoming the bigger person. Become the blessing person.

When you take time to forgive your father, yourself, and those who have hurt you, your heart and soul will grow with a new kind of capacity to love people. This love and forgiveness is something you will need for the person you will spend your life with. It will enable you to stay and stick it out through tough times. You will begin to seek out people who have also learned how to love and forgive through past hurt. These are the people strong relationships are built with.

Remember, the Father loves you and sent His Son to let you know!

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If this message has touched your heart or ministered to your family and you would like to help other families, please donate to the Blessing of the Father Ministries.

Published on February 28, 2018.

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